Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
