i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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