She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
