I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
