Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
