Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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