I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
