The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
