i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
