After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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