I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
