My sheets look like a crime scene.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
