oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
