Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
