i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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