Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
