I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He better not be in your backpack
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
