I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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