So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
