the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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