I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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