Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Just high enough for therapy.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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