I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Randomize
