so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
