i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
