just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Randomize