It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
