For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
