We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
