Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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