I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
