You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
