my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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