My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He better not be in your backpack
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
