So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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