haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
