I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
