So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
So gin and wine won't be happening again
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
