Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
