We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
