I want to walk on stilts...naked
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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