New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
