im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
