After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
the gays at disneyland are vicious
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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