no, he came in my armpit
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Randomize
