So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
