i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
