she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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