Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i will never coherently bang her
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
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