You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
