you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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