Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I want to be your penis for a week.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
