Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
