I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Randomize
