I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
